February 2012
6 posts
breathe. and trust.
breathe.
2 tags
267.
i haven’t truly felt emotions in years. between drinking, using, and other self destructive behaviors, i masked any and all emotions that dared to try to form beneath the surface. but 267 days into sobriety and i’m starting to feel the emotions i hid for so long. this week i am saying “see you soon” to some amazing friends. to an amazing family.
they welcomed me into...
so excited to be writing for jordan on her site... →
1 tag
2 tags
i’m running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. i’m trying but the canyon’s ever widening in the depths of my cold heart. i’m searching for a hope that’s tucked away and i wonder- do you hear me, can you see? i’m yearning for shelter and affection that i never found alone. i’m searching for a hero to ride in and save the day. but my “prince charmings” have been momentary lapses of...
January 2012
6 posts
help me provide 50 people with clean water for my... →
2 tags
it feels like you’re in front of a crowd screaming that you must die, but if you listen closely, there are voices screaming for you to live.
for so long, i was living in between two worlds. half living and half dead. i would inch closer to one side time to time, but there i was hanging, dangling in between living and death. a fake smile was my shield, hiding my rotting insides from the world...
2 tags
brett & jacob
brett and jacob,
january 16, 2012 will be day that essentially has changed how you view your disease. tonight you realized exactly what having muscular dystrophy means. your mom and dad have always been up front with you about what having duchenne muscular dystrophy means- tight muscles, falling down often, scooters, and eventually needing a powered wheelchair when your legs no longer...
“if you belong to Jesus, God’s love for you is more powerful than the sin that...”
help me provide 50 people with clean drinking... →
December 2011
5 posts
2 tags
i haven’t written to you much, especially not on here, but recently you’ve been on my mind a lot. you have always been mine- the one thing that no one was allowed to come anywhere close to touching. but i wonder, if by keeping you silent, i have smothered you. if i have lost you all over again. if i have clipped your wings.
sometimes, my heart hurts when i think of you and when i...
one word 2012.
i want to be vulnerable. i want to be open and honest. i want to share my heart and change the world. so for the new year, i will be vulnerable. while i may be frightened, i will release my fear and open myself to the possibilities that i have previously closed off due to that fear. i want to be vulnerable. i want to be open. i want to be free.
i want to share my heart and change the...
do i dare to be vulnerable and bring the words my heart writes into the light?
|giv| update: goal - raise $20,000 to help start the boys home of hope in india… we raised $56,500!!!!!!!! {rescue, redeem, & restore}
“will you love me for me? not for what i have done or what i will become. will...”
– {j.j. heller}
November 2011
10 posts
my heart is heavy and light. in some ways, i feel the best i have felt in a while, but for the most part there is deepness in my heart that is being held captive by darkness. there is a heaviness, a void, an ache that longs to be filled. and i’ve been trying to fill it. but in the process of trying to fill this longing that i have, i’ve been running. i’ve been running away...
you’ve taken my voice. you’ve taken my smile. you are trying to take my strength.
{he is stronger}
your talons are digging into my skin, but His love is stronger. {you’ve already lost}
11.11.11
sweet maddie moo, happy 4th birthday my sweet little one. i miss you tremendously, as do many others. it’s the third birthday i’ve celebrate without you but rather than have today be filled with sadness, today will be spent living for you.
i am wearing purple, for any other color seemed wrong to wear. and i will eat a cream pie for you. purple balloons and purple flowers will...
“she keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
she wears a cross around her neck
{she...”
– {black crowes}
my angel, taylor.
you would be 26 today. i can’t believe i’m celebrating another one of your birthdays without you. i thought it would eventually get easier, but i guess the fact that it doesn’t says something about the way you lived your life. oh my taylor. i miss you.
but i will spend today remembering you and smiling. i will buy roses and give them to people i pass while walking. i...
“maybe we begin to ask the ghosts to leave when we begin to ask some other folks...”
– {tworkowski}
“it feels like you’re in front of a crowd screaming that you must die, but if you...”
– {i must listen to the voices telling me to live}
October 2011
16 posts
Waiting for the pain
random-people:
There is nothing that scares her more than her own emotions. That’s why she never feels them. She just pushes them back inside and pretends they were never there to begin with. She does everything to prevent herself from feeling the pain, the abandonment, the despair, the excruciating doubt. Everything, to stop feeling the chaos that is going on inside of her. While she tries to...
brokenness. pain. hurt. tears.
so long i ran from these words. ran from the meaning and the implications of these words. the running took me no where except to more brokenness, pain, hurt, and tears. and so i tried to hold on tighter. and the tighter i held, the worse the pain became.
until i let go.
letting go. the freedom from those words. not that it meant everything is perfect....
baby girl, close your eyes. you don’t know the strength you have inside. if i could i’d shelter you from all the pain that we must all go through.
{miss you}
“it’s like you hope for me.” i get those words, i have felt those words. Before I knew Christ there were people who hoped for me. Who loved me right where I was- incredibly angry and covered in scars. They loved the girl who pushed them away for fear of being taken advantage of and shaking from the terror of being hurt. They sat quietly when I couldn’t speak and even when fear and rage exploded...
{happy birthday}
September 2011
16 posts
