May 2013
2 posts
April 2013
5 posts
little sleep.
missing her.
nightmares.
old photographs.
paper hearts.
quiet my anxious soul.
rest my weary eyes.
save my soul.
tattered dreams.
{come}
{oh mama Beth}
My faithful, most holy Father and my God,
With tremendous love I lift my sister to you. You know what stirs in her heart, what awakens her at night, what causes her to shudder, and what seeks to devour her. You have seen her in the secret place and you know her longings and her questions and her dreams and her hopes. You know the very place that doubt seeks to swallow her and deceit desires to...
March 2013
1 post
February 2013
3 posts
“Introspection means talking to yourself, and one of the best ways of talking to...”
– Words from a lecture delivered by William Deresiewicz at West Point in October 2009. Read the whole thing here, if you have not already. (via melissafitzpatrick)
January 2013
5 posts
when a three year old shows you Jesus
So I wrote what happened today to put into j’s book. This kid teaches me about Jesus so much:
Today was a rough day baby girl. You were over tired and instead of napping you screamed, cried, hit things, and refused to stay in bed. Raised voices and tears came from both of us in our exhaustion and frustration. But you finally fell asleep and when you woke up we were both in a better place....
3 tags
sometimes remembering is hard.
beloved,
you are beautiful. you are precious. I delight in you and I long to see your face.
sweetheart, talk to Me. that’s all I’m asking. you don’t have to have the “right” words, you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to have it all together. I want you to come to Me just as you are: lost, heartbroken, beautiful. you are beautiful. you are precious. do not hide your tears,...
2 tags
i am so incredibly angry with you. as far as you are concerned i was the only one who did anything wrong. lost my way, made a mistake, screwed up. and there you sit, claiming that you pray for me to find Jesus again. can’t you see that i never lost him? i still love him and worship him and he still loves me.
it is so hard for me to show you grace but i have decided, that even in the...
3 tags
grace.
i’ve always been good at holding onto resentments. staying angry, justifying my selfishness as a way to protect myself. i readily and eagerly cry out for mercy and grace when i mess up, but rarely do i freely offer it to others. especially those who have broken my heart and soul.
but deep in my heart, a word has been stirring. a thought, a tickle, and challenge. as my journey through the...
December 2012
3 posts
2 tags
vulnerable.
you have taught me so much this year. you opened my heart to love and pain but you also helped start to heal some of my deepest wounds. you humbled me and once or twice, i was sure that you were going to break me. but i found that i can bend. so as this year ends, and i leave you behind, i welcome what this new year, this new word will bring. and i thank you. for showing me that being vulnerable...
1 tag
November 2012
2 posts
I met god today. She was a new friend saying come sit with us. I met god today. He was a daddy, head over heals in love with his children. I met god today. His spirit drew out my voice, singing words I cannot speak. I met god today. His laughter rippled over our lunch and soothed this jagged heart. I met god today.
for so long, i have been faking belief. my disillusioned heart had become calloused and hard, but my words, softened by shaky smiles, created a mask so no one was wiser. this past weekend, i was ready to be done. to give up. to lift my hands towards the ocean and say goodbye to god.
the scene couldn’t have been set more beautifully. several friends, sisters in this journey if you will,...
October 2012
9 posts
“speak. shout. scream, if you have to. the world can take it. we can take it. our...”
– {r}
“grace is always greater. always.”
i wonder.
i wonder if i’ll always subtract ten pounds from my weight.
i wonder if my vanity will always be shown through how i treat my hair.
i wonder if i will forget my body is a temple and fall back into self destruction.
i wonder if i will believe in god as strongly as a child does.
i wonder when god will become a proper noun again.
i wonder if god is angry at my disbelief even though i know he’s...
the ragamuffin gospel is changing my world.
September 2012
4 posts
am i really doing this? {it’s a new beginning}
you will not forget me.
You will not forget me. See, you have written my name on the palms of your hands. And I am convinced that nothing can separate me from your love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither any fears for today or my worries about tomorrow- not even the power of hell can separate me from your love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all of creation...
August 2012
2 posts
1 tag
July 2012
3 posts
“Who are you if you lose your favorite person? Can you lose your favorite person...”
– -Stargirl (Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli)
My wonderful friend Brittany introduced me to this book. I love it and I love her. Right now she lives on the otherside of the world and I miss her deeply - but if you ever want to know what she is like, read Stargirl.
(via ziadyedaya)
{best...
“what kinds of things would we try if we weren’t worried about shame and...”
– {sarah markley}
June 2012
5 posts
1 tag
i’ve always loved watching the painted sunrises and sunsets each day, but within the last few months i have felt an inexplicable need to stand outside to watch the early morning sky. the colors blend together, reminding me of a child’s painting and i gasp as i recognize my incredible gift. no longer did i see God’s sunrise, instead i see a sunrise, painted with love, from her. so...
{hold on}
my heart is heavy and light.
i handled a situation wrong and now i’m feeling the repercussions from it. originally, i acted out of fear, only letting a few people into my thought process so i had less of a chance of being talked out of what i feel Daddy God calling me to do, but in doing that, i blindsided people that i love when i made my decision known. and in turn, i got hurt.
my...
“i’ll never forget your strength.
even when you say you’re weak, and even when...”
– {red}
May 2012
8 posts
1 year.
today, i have been sober for one year. i really have no other words but to say thank you to those that put up with me when drunk and thank you, Daddy God for rescuing me when i was determined to destroy myself.
daddy god, help me remember that even when i feel all alone, you are holding me close. but more than helping me mentally remember, daddy, help me to feel it. because i know feelings aren’t facts but oh daddy, how feelings can hurt. and right now, they are taking over. as if my feelings are suffocating me. so Daddy, as i wade into the jordan, give me eyes to see. help me walk upon your seas....
Daddy God- You are the only one i can cling too. You are the only one that can rescue me from this pain. oh, God. take this from me. rescue me oh God. save me from this agony and pain. heal my brokenness and revive my breaking heart. i need you to breathe life in me. rescue me.
{beloved}
“To the gals in clear heels, to the guys in clear heels, to the drunks, the...”
– {jesus loves sinners}
i’m studying and learning about God as Daddy God and how he cares for orphans and i realized that everything i’m learning about God as Daddy God is what Addison ACTUALLY HAS right now. Daddy God is holding Addie. he is protecting her and loving her. she is okay. she is laughing and smiling and is okay while she waits for her mommy to come see her again. she is safe. she is loved. she...
