my heart is heavy and light. in some ways, i feel the best i have felt in a while, but for the most part there is deepness in my heart that is being held captive by darkness. there is a heaviness, a void, an ache that longs to be filled. and i’ve been trying to fill it. but in the process of trying to fill this longing that i have, i’ve been running. i’ve been running away from the support system that i have. once again, i’ve been trying to do everything on my own and the only thing that seems to accomplish is to lead me into a deeper and darker depression.
so while i would love to say that i am going to stop running, for now i must take baby steps. i’m not going to run so hard and so fast. i’m going to slow down to a jog- sometimes i hope to even walk. but the baby steps add up, and soon the darkness will turn into light.
i must hold onto hope that things will get better. i must hold onto hope that soon it won’t hurt to open my eyes in the morning. i hold onto hope that once again i will be able to look people in the eyes. i hold onto hope that the darkness will go away. i hold onto hope that i am not fighting alone. but most of all, i hold onto hope that i am worth it. i am beloved. i am treasured. i am worthy of love and light.
i am worthy. i am worthy. i am worthy.
{trust, Beloved}
